Friday, October 3, 2014

The kind of PMs sent to a dead YouTube account

It's been a year and a few days since I stopped LPing, and to be quite honest I haven't checked my YouTube inbox since then (partly because of the whole Google- fiasco, partly because, well, that stuff is behind me. Well, I took a look at some of the PMs I got in the last year out of curiosity, and man, that shit's DEPRESSING. Get a load of this:


My name is Michael Shmalts, and I am working with the Russian Gaming industry.
Today, I would like to present you a wonderful game PANZAR.COM, this game has already conquered millions of gamers all over the World and we have decided to release our game also in Europe.
Your country's gamers community is important to us, this is why I would like to order from you 2-3 video reviews/lets play on the game.
Please, let me know your price for one video release on your channel and if the price is right I will get back to you with further instructions.

Looking forward to working with you!


Is that a thing now? Developers ORDER Let's Plays? Well of course they're not going to be impartial if some people actually do those LPs, now do they? As I said, depressing. Oh, and we're talking about two or three LPs of the same game from the same guy. Umm... what's the point? (Also, I'm still not for sale. Not back then, not now, and not ever.)

Just going to put up a paragraph of the next one, because it's really long and I want to draw your attention to one thing:

I am contacting you on behalf of Mackay Media. We are a proprietary network for Forela Digital. We are an exclusive premium YouTube network, interested in new ideas and concepts. We believe that you genuinely have some very interesting content presented in an engaging and professional manner.

Content presented in a professional manner? With my production value of ZERO and my irreverencious style? Good lord, if that doesn't prove those spamming asshats lie out of every single orifice they have when they say they've seen my stuff, nothing will.

Again, just a single paragraph for this one:

You've got a very nice YouTube channel and we love what you are doing with it. Your channel is now eligible to join YouTube Partner Program, because you are focused on great videos we'd like to invite you to apply for a partnership with Zoomin.TV Network.

They love what I'm doing with my channel. AKA absolutely nothing. I got this in May, for the record, seven months after I quit.


We love your youtube channel and your videos are great. Congratulation on your success!

I'm Nikki Perez, Marketing Director at AppNana. We are one of the largest mobile rewards app on iOS and Android. AppNana lets people try free apps to get iTunes, Amazon, PayPal, Xbox gift cards and other paid games & apps for free. Your mobile viewers will like it because they've been downloading free apps all the time and are not getting anything out of it, why not get AppNana and earn rewards while downloading some free apps, right? I believe it'd be a mutual benefits for us.

We have very large monthly budget to promote our this year. I am ready to begin allocating as much of this spend to you as I can. Please let me know if you are interested in promoting for us in your video.

My email: Learn more about our product:

-Nikki :)

Wait, what is this supposed to even mean? I'm not kidding, I'm honestly at a loss at what this is and how it's supposed to work. Well, aside from two words - obvious fraud.


  1. I wonder if your subscriber count mysteriously went up again. That would be pretty funny if one of these people bought subscribers for a dead channel.

    1. It hasn't. I'm not sure whether to be thankful for this or not. If it happened, it'd make my faith in humanity go even lower, yet at the same time it'd be undeniably hilarious.

    2. "Magikarp the Obliteraror subscribed to your channel"
      I don't know why. What I do know is your videos have been just about the greatest I've seen, and I would have subscribed in an instant had I had an account earlier.

    3. Well, it's easy to get to subscriptions, so that's why.

  2. I think i've gotten some PMs from JWs asking me to convert

    1. They operate on Youtube now?...

    2. They're like a virus. They've already hit epidemic levels, and they'll soon be a plague.

    3. They ask people to convert?! I knew they were bad but I was never told of this!

  3. Remember that Canadian Exclusive Smash Bros tournament event I mentioned earlier ? Well, I don't blame you for not having been interested and still not being interested as of now... The rules have been voted by fans and it's an horrible mash-up of competitive and casual play rules heavily contradicting themselves. This is going to be awful... oh well, at least the even itself might be fun and I possibly could get my hand on some exclusive Smash merchandise.

    1. Where can I see those rules, out of morbid curiosity?

      Sorry for the long link, I tried to get the source picture link instead of just using the Nintendo Of Canada Facebook page. It's probably on Twitter too, though. Oh well, I'll be forced to get one soon as part of my journalism course... Not looking forward to that.

    3. "No stalling or air camping". Well, there go quite a few characters.
      Also, "change characters after a win!??" What the fuck are those guys smoking?

    4. All those rules were chosen by votes from the community, as I mentioned earlier. If it had been Nintendo themselves choosing them, they might have been still pretty stupid, but at least they would be consistent...
      Funnily enough, I main Kirby, but I use him extremely offensively, so Air Camping (whatever it means considering "camping" is supposed to be staying immobile at one place and waiting for your opponents to come) won't be an issue for me. Also, they wasted a rule to make a Fight Club reference, but they didn't say whether we'd be using Custom Characters or not.
      Although if it's free-for-all fights, I'll probably use someone else, as heavyweights tend to have more of an advantage in those. All in all, it's just a mess... Seriously, if they were worried about stalling, they might as well just use Stock Matches. The stupidity...

    5. Okay, this is officially the worst ruleset for any tournament ever. It's like if VGC banned the use of any Pokémon with a defensive stat in the triple digits, and even then sponging hits for the sake of sponging hits died in early gen 4.

    6. These rules sound like the kind of thing ten year olds do in a secret society they think is secret, but they have their parents making snacks. Do they have cloaks? A password? A secret handshake? Anyway, that kinda cripples my Mega Man because a key facet to my strategy is attaching Crash Bombs to them and running and jumping away like a madman...

    7. Oh dear god, this ruleset is fucked up so badly, the one in the state's uses the 2008 Brawl tournament rules, which I think were 5 minutes time and 3 stock or something and no items, any stages

    8. I think the funniest part is the fact that even though we're forced to play one round with the rules "For Fun", only Final Destination and Smash Balls will be allowed. You know, defeating the whole point of having to do it in the first place. I'm all for playing casually from time to time, I really am, but we might as well just skip the first round entirely at this point. XD