Saturday, December 1, 2012

Tornado-eating vacuums!

From the same company that brought you ghost-eating vacuums! Next time you're threatened by a tornado, don't run away like a pussy, just start up that vacuum and you're guaranteed to win the battle of suckage! (Warning: might end in Darwin Award depending on which kind of suckage you win at.)

26 comments:

  1. I'm assuming you've played sticker star now... Took me a while to get the joke.

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  2. Scumbag Slowflake, doesn't want to get spoilers on a video game, but gives spoilers himself. :P

    But still, the game is filled with Nintendo Logic at its finest.

    By the way, Kirby wins all battle involving suckage in the literal sense of the word. All of them.

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    1. Like anyone has a shot at figuring that shit out themselves. I understand why everyone's saying this game is an infomercial for GameFAQs, and it's sort of annoying.

      (Oh, and the best part is how at first it looks like it's optional, but it's in fact mandatory. Not for later in the game, but for RIGHT FUCKING NOW.)

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    2. Trust me it gets worse just wait until 5-1.

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    3. Oh, really? Great. THIS IS A MARIO GAME. Stuff shouldn't be this difficult to figure out on your own. My 12-year old cousin would probably chuck the game away out of frustration before she even gets close to the end of world 2.

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    4. Didn't have any trouble with 5-1 personally... 4-1 however...

      (Let's make some cryptic mentions on Slowflake's blog that he won't get ! :D )

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    5. I'm all out of fucks to give about spoilers, you just know I'll have to look it up on GameFAQs anyway. What's the use of the jackhammer, drill a hole into a box of TNT to disable it?

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    6. No, but when faced with a shit-ton of snow, the logical thing to use apparently isn't Matches, or anything else that would make sense, but a Radiator when there is no electrical plug nearby. (Especially considering there WAS a plug for Tornado-Eating Vacuum)

      There's only 2 real complain I have with this game, this one being the biggest. It's still pretty fun to play and the bosses are all enjoyable to fight.

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    7. Oh, so that's what the plug was? A clue as to what to use? I figured, I'm gonna have to come back here with something to plug in.

      As for bosses, is there anywhere where I can read up on the mechanics for their defense? I just fought the giant Pokey (of course, I read beforehand about a certain sticker that was absolutely mandatory for this fight), and the damage I did was all over the place. Hopslippers doing more damage than shiny Hopslippers, that sort of stuff.

      Speaking of that mandatory sticker, I think it's BS how you absolutely need certain stickers to beat certain bosses. How would I have known that you needed that? What player that doesn't read GameFAQs wouldn't have gotten roflstomped 50 times, not getting its health down to two thirds a single time?

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    8. I've beaten the first boss without the "mandatory" sticker. The second boss I accidentally saw what its "weakness" was while looking up something else so I thought: "Now I'd be an idiot not to use it..."

      And for the third boss, I found its weakness completely by accident. That was actually the single time where the game made me laugh the most. And the next 2 are easy enough to figure out.

      There are actions commands for the "Thing" stickers as well... which should have been explained in the game as well, sadly... Some require timed button press, but most of them only needs button mashing.

      Like I said, it's the game's main flaw.

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    9. All I was saying about world 5-1 the fact I was looking through trash for a scrap but what am I supposed to do? Use a goat to eat the trash because that makes sense. What the hell!? Also I beat the world 3 boss without the required sticker (the sponge) but the game(kersti) lectured me on the amount of stickers I used.

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    10. Yeah, I beat Megasparkle Goomba without the fan, and Kersti basically said "you suck"

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    11. Interesting. It seems that there are more then one way to deal with things. For 5-1, I used an Upright Vacuum and it still worked.

      And I was told that Megasparkle Goomba's weakness was actually the scissors sticker.

      But I was serious about the 3rd boss, it's really the most awesome battle in the whole game.

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    12. Same here, but she basically tells you to stop sucking if done more than once even though it takes more skill to beat the boss without the right thing sticker. (especially the world 3 boss) Also if you fail at a boss enough times she DOES give you a small hint of what thing sticker to use, though not a good one not to mention the damage is already done you're screwed if you don't have it unless you run. (yes, you can run from bosses)But why bother when odds are you have way too few stickers and health you may as well get a game over and start with what you had before the boss wrecked you.

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  3. So what you are saying is that the new Paper Mario should be called "Guide Dang It: the Mario Game". I do not have the game yet...

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  4. This game.

    It's horrible.

    I mean I'm sorry but it is. If you had unlimited sticker capacity (Or at least something large), then I'd be a bit more content, but you have to use up valuble space to keep random shit around. And then you have the broken battle system, because really when you can do seven damage with the first hit of a BASIC JUMP you know there's a problem.

    (And by the way, getting the faucet was annoying. You have to be standing almost perfectly to get it to work)

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    1. Seriously, of all the things making this game not that good, you choose balance which isn't even an issue considering EVERY boss has a shit-ton of HP ?

      You gain more space for stickers as the game progresses too. Please try again.

      I won't even comment on the Faucet part because I got it three times during my playthrough and turned it off on my first try each time.

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    2. You're hating the game only because YOU chose to close your mind to it and not give it a single chance. Yes, it's not that good, but your arguments are the shittiest ones I've ever seen. I'm sorry for letting out that anger on you, but I'm tired of seeing people hating the game without any justifiable reasons and you sir, you became the target of my anger. I know I'll regret posting this comment later, so I'll apologize in advance.

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    3. Yeah, every boss has a shitton of HP, but they shouldn't HAVE to have that much. It was perfectly fine when 100 was the max HP of anything. It was still fine when 200 was. SPM you could offbalance with Bowser + Carrie, but even then it wasn't until the endgame that he became overpowering. Now, suddenly, I'm expected to be fine with a system where the FIRST FUCKING BOSS has NINETY HP? No.

      Yeah, you gain more space. WOOO. That's GRAND! It doesn't change the fact that if you go through the game trying not to go run to walkthroughs, you're going to have to carry just about every Thing you see incase it's needed, which takes most of your album, and then the rest are the other stickers you want to keep for bosses because Things are Arceusdamned expensive. Yeah, moneygrinding is easy, but still, when I have four pages, two of which are Thing only, and one of which is other really good stickers I want to save, that leaves little to fight random enemies.

      Which brings me to another point - there is absolutely NO REASON to fight randoms that I've seen yet. No EXP system, no important gifts, nothing. Enemies are an OBSTICLE as opposed to... well, enemies. That's absolutely wretched game design.

      I went in trying to enjoy it, but pretty early on I started to give up on it.

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    4. So what you're telling me is, it's better when you do four damage with a strong attack when the first boss has 20 HP than when you do 18 damage with a strong attack when the first boss has 90 HP? Disgaea must be the absolute worst game ever then.

      Also, there IS a reward for fighting enemies, though once again the game doesn't tell you. You know that rain of coins when you get a comet? You get a LOT more coins if you've beaten a lot of enemies on your way there.

      This is a game that desperately needed a detailed instruction manual. Nope! Basic control leaflet, then you're on your way.

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    5. I refer you guys to my last comment where I said that this game sounded like Guide Dang It: the Mario Game...

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    6. If it still only SOUNDS like it, then we've failed miserably. It's a shame, because targeting issues aside, I like the battle system's concept, and think it should be revisited in a less flawed game just so its full potential can be tapped into.

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    7. Keep in mind that I can only say it sounds like it because I have not played the game yet...

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    8. Wow, I'm surprised I was not banned after my rage-nuke. Thanks Slowflake. I don't regret what I've said, but I do regret losing my cool.

      I've realized something about this game... it introduces a completely new genre. I'm not sure if we could consider it as branching off the "Puzzle" genre or its own thing, but the gameplay is definitely not a full-fledged turn-based RPG.

      This game doesn't test your skills, it tests your wit. Whenever you fail or die, it's not because you lack the skills to win, it's because there's something you did wrong or simply overlooked.

      I agree it's inappropriate for a Mario game, but I think Nintendo should recycle this concept for something else, because I liked it. The only flaw with this concept is that using a Walkthrough literally kills all the fun, so you need a lot of patience to enjoy it.

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    9. Well you made a really good point. The number of digits in HP and damage do not alter the gameplay experience in the slightest. I really had the same "are you serious?" moment you did when I read that - I've never ever EVER heard that kind of criticism being leveled at a game before.

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    10. But going back on what the game needed, I think a clear classification on "Thing" stickers in the museum would have been useful. Because as you fill the museum and use those stickers in battles, you can easily notice that many of them have a similar effect, and those are always placed in the same hallway, but once again, it's something the game should have told us right at the beginning.

      How would you ever guess that the Newspaper has the exact same effect as the Bat, but with less strength, on your own without trying it once ?

      Most of the flavor texts in the museum were pretty darn funny, but I'm sure they totally could have put something like 2 pages, with the first one covering the category and its battle usage, while the second one would have the jokes and funny anecdotes written on it.

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