Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Knights of uselessness

I don't know how much of my American audience lives in areas affected by the rise in Spanish use (sometimes culminating with Spanish monolingual businesses), but I hope there are enough that can relate to what I'm about to say. It's common knowledge that the province of Quebec is, for the most part, the last bastion of the French language in North America. And as such, some of its regions (read: Montreal and its southern suburbs) live a day-to-day struggle to try and keep French as the main language there. While this is a worthy cause in theory, in practice those who defend it make me want to slap them in the face. With a heated frying pan. I'm saying this because they're trying to preserve the language in all the absolute worst ways possible.

Today, an activist movement lodged a thousand complaints to the governmental organization in charge of the French language. A THOUSAND. Wanna know what these were about? Company names. No, I'm not kidding. Subway, Home Depot, Canadian Tire and friends have a secret agenda, which is to destroy the French language by... HAVING AN ENGLISH NAME. I'm quaking in my boots!

No, seriously, to them having an English company name contributes to Montreal immigrants not learning French and adopting English as their only language (which is the REAL core of the problem). Now they want to change the law to force any of these companies to add a French descriptive in front of their names. As if that's going to change anything. Who in the blue hell doesn't know what Home Depot sells? My father's English is absolutely dismal, and even he knows! What about, say, EB Games, who, sacrilege of sacrileges, already have such a descriptive... IN ENGLISH? BURN THE WITCH!

Goddamn this place. No wonder English Canadians can't take us seriously, with these knights of uselessness pretending to speak for the rest of us.

11 comments:

  1. I find it interesting that just north of us, in Canada, the heated debates are about too many people speaking English. It just goes to show you that there are obnoxious, somewhat xenophobic people everywhere.

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  2. I live in Ohio. Mono-Spanish businesses do not exist here. Also, why must there be idiots in the world (no offense to people who live in places like Quebec, like you, who are NOT idiots)? Really, to some people, common sense seems to be becoming taboo. Need I remind you that some lady sued McDonald's a year or two ago because her coffee was hot. Unless she ordered an ice coffee, that is true idiocy. Slow, I feel sorry for you that you have to deal with people who pretend to defend your country when they are justifying how English Canadians treat you guys. Maybe if your government had someone in charge who actually wants to do GOOD things. If you fit the qualifications, you would make a good leader...though you would have to keep it secret to your non-Canadian base since you still do not want your real name revealed; preferring to go by Slow, Slowflake, Jeff, or Not Jeff on the Internet. Sorry I rambled on and on about things that had little to do with the purpose of this comment, but that is what I do. Especially with no limitation on comments here on Blogspot...

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    1. No problem.

      Anyway, we've got a huge problem on our hand, since we just elected a government that supports this stupid crackdown in the first place. Of course, I didn't vote for either of the parties that do, but what can you do...

      Oh, and fun fact: my mother works for a company that bears the name of its founder. The kicker is that it's an ARMENIAN name. I really wonder what's going to happen there. Are they going to have to add a descriptive or not, since the company is literally named after a person? Are English and Armenian names going to be treated similarly? This is going to be one huge clusterfuck soon.

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    2. On the bright side, my country's elections are coming up. Honestly, I do not care who wins this year because I am not quite old enough to care (I cannot legally vote yet, though I am a bit older than 13, and I am old enough to legally drive). If Obama wins, my father will be happy, and we will get to make some BaRockman Obama jokes (Mega Man humor). If Romney wins, I get to feed on some Republican emotion just the way I like it, for it will be full of RAGE! Republican Rage is a trademark of Ness Prower (pseudonym, not my real name) and his associates and anyone who asks him permission. Republican Rage! It is utterly pointless! Republican Rage! This party sucks, but man oh man is it fun to watch them get angry! Yes, I just shamelessly advertised Republican Rage (come to think of it, it does sound like a drug...um...hey, look! A shiny, distracting thing!)...
      As for your situation...yeah, that is kind of bad (understatement). Does your government get stuff done (for better or worse is another matter), or is it, like mine, trapped in a perpetual state of:
      "We should do something!"
      "Should we do something!"
      "We should do something!"
      "Should we do something!"
      My response: "YES! YOU SHOULD DO SOMETHING, YOU BORING IDIOTS!"
      Brownie points if someone can guess who I just referenced. Never before has a reviewer's quote fit so well with our current state...
      Hopefully, some film critics do not try to take over Quebec like they did Molossia (TGWTG: 2nd Anniversary Special: Kickassia). Granted, you are bigger. Honestly, my only suggestion is to live your life and hope for the best as usual...

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    3. To answer to your question, that I missed: just like in America, the main obstacle to getting something done is power struggles. Except whereas in America it's between the White House, the House of Representatives and the Senate, here it's between the federal and provincial governments, because of how ambiguously their respective responsibilities are split by our constitution. Fortunately, though, that kind of scenario doesn't happen that often, so things can actually get done here - for better or for worse.

      It's worth nothing that we do have institutions that are, on paper, above the Parliaments, such as the Senate and the Governor General, but they're mostly symbolic entities nowadays, and will rarely ever block a new law, even when the Senate (whose members are named by the Prime Minister, not elected by the people) is of a different party than the government. For instance, we had a Conservative government but a Liberal Senate in the late 2000s, and I don't recall the Senate ever blocking anything, because as I said, it's a symbolic institution.

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  3. While talking about Politics, since everybody is whining about how the elections turned, it seriously makes me wonder how these results even happened. We elect the only Prime Minister (Of the Quebec province) who obviously don't know what she's doing and who pretended to support a cause only to gain votes and turning against them right after. I always knew something wasn't right about her and of course I didn't dare to vote for her, don't worry. Anyway, she's obviously a puppet in the hands of the PLQ, so there's nothing changed except for the fact that Charest won't be the one attracting all the hate for a little while.

    All in all, everybody should expect hearing some of the stupidest news coming from Quebec's politics for quite a while...

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    1. The good news: if this government lasts four years, I will saw off my leg and kick myself in the head with it. So we can just throw her out once the other parties are good and ready. Which just HAS to happen, I mean, winning by only four seats (which could go down to two depending on the outcome of that one recount) against the most unpopular government in the history of mankind after everything that happened?

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    2. Why is that good news? Anyway, how long do you give your new Prime Minister at most? I may be greatly mistaken, but I think that those "Knight Templar" that "speak" for French Canada may give our Republicans for dumbest group with power ever to "grace" office with their "intellect". If only I were older and a better leader. Then, we could lobby an evil army of people with common sense more than that of a bacterium refusing to let its offspring adapt (I am pretty sure that is impossible...BUT it does get the point across). After getting millions to join our cause, we could...you guessed it, take over the world (OF COURSE!). By take over the world, I mean going to places, rallying the population, and causing Revolution to break out in countries with crap governments (does Egypt have a non-militia government yet?). Hey, you are an awesome guy (who aspies like me can relate to), and you do not deserve to be forced to live in a world where logic is seemingly taboo. Heck, for someone who "barely knows English", you speak (albeit with some small mispronounciations) and write it better than a lot of people I know. Heck, some of my peers cannot use "you're" properly (needing the contraction but using the adjective). Yes, I am somewhat young, but I type (coughramble) better English than most of my peers (keep in mind, I have EXTREMELY low self-esteem)." Wow, I must be magic. Starting on one topic, then ending with something entirely different and pointless. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! Oh, right, I am an aspie. Joy...

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    3. Minority governments typically last in the range of a year and a half to two years and a half. I'm not expecting this to be an exception.

      And it's good news because, honestly, how is putting up with a crappy government for two years not better than putting up with it for four years?

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    4. Hopefully you are right...

      Point taken. I was just referring to the part where you amputate yourself...

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  4. Grew up around San Antonio, Texas where there is a relatively large Spanish-speaking population. The issue over here seems to be more centered around immigration (primarily the illegal kind) than about the Spanish language itself. Long story short, the Democrats pander to that demographic while the Republicans pander to the xenophobes. It's really about culture. People like to keep their culture alive and well, even at the expense of others. That's just the way people are.

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