Thursday, September 4, 2014

Why is Tim Buckley still a thing?

Seems like every time he ever has anything to say about Nintendo, it's nothing but negative. Remember the crap he said about Pokémon when BW1 first came out? I had a go at that way back then, and it looks like I'm giving an encore performance today, with his recent tirade about MK8's Mercedes DLC. Anyone who's played the game in the last week KNOWS he's dead wrong. Is it weird that we're seeing Mercedes stuff in a Mario game? Sure. Is it as jarring as he claims it is? Oh hell no. I mean, look at the picture he used to complain about online multiplayer. It's a PROMOTIONAL SCREENSHOT. It doesn't come from any kind of actual gameplay. Which is good, because the GLA is the most out-of-place out of the three new bodies, and seeing so many of them at a time, from the front, where you can see the Mercedes logo very clearly? THAT is jarring.

Actual gameplay, though? Totally different. I don't know how things are in games like Forza and other "realistic" racing games because I don't play those, but in Mario Kart races are so hectic that you don't really have the time to look at what the competition's driving. You have enough time to make out whether it's a kart, a bike or an ATV, but that's it. The car you'll be staring at all the time is YOURS. Don't like the Mercedes bodies? No problem, they're just clones of vehicles you don't even need to unlock anyway.

Sure, other people may be using them online, but how common are they? Certainly nowhere near the aforementioned promotional screenshot, that's for sure. I ran a quick census by getting in and out of rooms while spectating, and while it's certainly not exhaustive, it's still worth a look. Out of 54 players, only seven were using Mercedes bodies, five of which were the W25 - an actual racing car from the 30s. Aside from the Mercedes logo at the front, certainly not out of place in a Mario Kart game by any stretch. The other two were GLAs, but that's all I needed to know. Two GLAs out of 54 players. That's basically one every three rooms or so. By the way, did I mention you're spending most of your time looking at the BACK of the vehicles, the opposite side of where the logos tend to be? Once again, the GLA's back is hardly inconspicuous, but as I said, running into one every three rooms and not having to look at it up close is absolutely no problem.

Everything I've just said should be obvious to anyone who's ever picked up the game. Anyone but Tim Buckley, by the looks of things. Which makes me wonder if he's even played it. Seriously, using a promotional screenshot depicting a worst-case scenario to make an argument regarding actual gameplay is a total no-no as far as critical writing goes. Also, he makes it sound like the GLA is the only new vehicle (again, has he played the game?). It's not. You have a race car from the 30s and a roadster from the 50s. In a game featuring the likes of the Mach 8 and the Sports Coupe, if not for the Mercedes logo on the front (the side you're barely ever looking at, remember), no one'd be able to tell. Also, random nitpicking just because: the GLA comes in nine colors, not just gray. It's also somewhat cartoonish in its dimensions, for what it's worth.

I will concede that it's a bit weird to see real-life stuff with real-life logos pop up in a Mario game. But it's not the ultimate evil as far as DLC goes, and I especially won't buy it coming from a guy who says this right after admitting he has no problem with the business practice of hacking parts of a game off to be sold as DLC later. And to be so convinced that it's going to end in a slippery slope that'll see Rupees replaced with bitcoins, Full Restores replaced with Red Bull and an NRA logo carved into Samus' arm cannon is absolutely nonsensical. Pretty sure that if there's one company that won't let it get out of hand, it's Nintendo.


  1. Honestly, I found CAD funny when I was a teenager way back when, but now, it just seems petty, excessively whiny, and elitist. I don't know what I ever saw in it, or anything else the guy does.

  2. I think B^Uckley just says stupid shit now because nobody with two brain cells to rub together is going to take him or his comic seriously at this point.

    Also, wasn't CAD supposed to end a year ago or something?

    1. You know what the problem is? Having two brain cells on the internet makes you the equivalent of Einstein. You just know there are tons of people who think exactly like he does.

    2. That says a lot about our species...and that makes me a sad panda...

      But seriously, that's really depressing, the prevalent stupidity.

  3. Funny thing is, he has a crap load of ads on the side and on the background for stuff like other people's comics, I think I see a pr0n website one and a subway ad, what the absolute hell, I normally have my hosts file on but this is why I put it on

  4. It bothers me when people say that realistic cars are out of place in Mario Kart because they're implying they don't see karts as real things. And I'm a pretty big fan of go-karts. They're ridiculously fun to drive.

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