Monday, August 18, 2014

You're not a beautiful, unique snowflake.

You're not special. You're not a "true Pokémon player" because you complain that Smogonites are elitist, yet proceed to out-elitist them. You're not Arceus' gift to the goddamn universe. You're not hot shit for using crap Pokémon. You're not hot shit for WINNING with crap Pokémon, it just means your opponents are just that much beneath you. Bring your Pachirisu against someone of your own level, you're going to get fucking annihilated. Just because Se Jun Park won the world championship with a Pachirisu doesn't suddenly make it a miracle worker at all levels of play. You're not Se Jun Park, you're just some random scrub who thinks he's better than he really is. He made it work because he's just that damn good. He knows exactly what he wants out of an aggro magnet. He knows exactly how to play an aggro magnet. He always picks the best move for the situation on any given turn instead of just spamming Follow Me and hoping something happens. He DID try the usually superior Amoonguss before settling for Pachirisu, because it better suited someone of his skill. You? You suck. Stick with Amoonguss, you'll get better results. And if you play a metagame where Togekiss is allowed, you may get even better results with that. There's a difference between the game of Pokémon and the art of Pokémon. You're no Picasso, you're no Mozart, you're no Tolkien, you're no Orson Welles. You're Stephenie Meyer, you're Michael Bay, you're Cecilia Gimenez.

21 comments:

  1. *Applauds Loudly* Thank you for this.

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  2. To be fair, with Cecilia Gimenez (did you google that or was it from memory?) she gave notoriety to a piece of work that was by all accounts unremarkable and unknown. I'd say that this makes her a step up above Michael Bay and the authoress of Twilight. A small step, but one none-the-less. Either way, you should encourage these fulls to keep playing with their Simisages and other shit because "play with favs no matter how much suck becuz t3h smogonz suxors" or whatever shit they say on Gamefaqs. I am not big on competitive battling (lack of free time does that) but I'm experienced enough that I can tell the difference between a lily and a dog turd without trouble. Nothing wrong with using a lesser used pokemon, but if something exists that does its job better, don't cry if your success is hampered. So Slow, what would be your prediction for an "ultimate" scrub team?

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    1. Charizard(No Mega), Butterfree, Beedrill, Raticate, Raichu, Pigeot.... Oh, whoops! That's a Zardtard team! Never mind.
      Though, I'd imagine a scrub using a Pokémon for attacking using the attack stat that's never used to be "special", even though some Pokémon are either physical or special attackers only FOR A GOOD REASON.

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    2. Give Zardtards some credit, I don't think even they would use Beedrill (thing isn't even all that useful in NU, though Butterfree can be with compoundeyes plus sleep powder). Pidgeot maybe, but only to be like Gary. I would think that a scrub team would be mostly of "bad-ass" or cool-ish looking 'mons who competitively suck (e.g. Charizard prior to having two mega-stones, though not obsessed about it), probably with mismanaged natures (e.g. Modest on a physical attacker).

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    3. *slaps PokemonMarioSonic* YOU FOOL, it should be Pikachu, not Raichu, don't you know how much Ash loves his? So much so that they have to say so in every single episode.

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    4. You're right. I should've considered that people like them would probably worship Ash even though the anime =/= the games. Though, would scrubs be smart enough to use a Surf Pikachu or would they say that it would mean conforming to "SMORON"?

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  3. Oh yeah, and what is everyone predicting to be the massive disappoint that will be the project to be announced on the 26th? I'm gonna guess some crossover a la Pokemon Conquest (they said "surprising" which may disqualify the more disappointing possibilities).

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    1. they said that the Pokemon Park announcement was going to be surprising

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    2. Considering what happened in the past, I'm not holding my breath.

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    3. I don't think that detective game ever got a proper announcement. So it could be that.

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  4. But you. You, sir, are a very special slowflake, like no other.

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    1. It was necessary. Seriously though, this guy literally introduced me to the meta. I was a bona fide noob at Pokemon beforehand.

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    2. Ditto here.
      Slowflake really helped me to start using Pokemon correctly and I sincerely thank him for it.

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    3. He flat-out for me interested in the competitive scene. I had never heard of Smogon before I got into his videos...And I was the type of guy that used all the Water HMs on my Level 70-something Feraligatr in SoulSilver back then. Needless to say: I had much less trouble with Red my second playthrough. My only experience before him was Chuggaaconroy. Also...I have Mewtwo Drain Punch to take care of Red back then. I was an absolute scrub. To be fair, SoulSilver was my very first Pokemon game...

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    4. Drain Punch Mewtwo doesn't suck anymore. Vindication!

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    5. It certainly did back in Gen 4. I at least was smart enough to replace it with Aura Sphere first chance I got...
      Only reason my Mewtwo X has Psycho Cut and Brick Break is because I didn't know I'd be able to use a Mega Mewtwo X when I brought it to Y (generousness of my girlfriend and a contact of mine). If there are Tutors in Omega Ruby, then I will be remedying that little problem...

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    6. In Showdown, I would indeed use the optimal STAB...

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    7. I actually did start to care about Natures at around 11/12 yrs. old, but my movesets were still somewhat below Smogon standards by the age of 15(They were close enough to where I could at least beat most of the Frontier Brains in their Silver battles; Screw Battle Palace, though. I didn't touch that place until last year). However, I will admit that I did a scrub-level thing and gave 100 EVs to 5/6 stats on my Pokémon(yeeeeaaahhhh..... I was weird; This was before I was 15) and I had both a mixed Salamence AND a mixed Metagross in Gen 3. That was short-lived, thankfully. I heard of Smogon through Slow's videos, too(I started watching at 13). Is it bad that I had(and still have) Crunch on Garchomp when battling in the B.F. in Gen 4? SP.ATT sweepers Gengar and Alakazam were taken care of quite easily that way. Do I have more of an excuse to run Crunch on Garchomp nowadays if I also have a Steel type(because of the weakness change) or should this be a thing of the past?

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  5. Prediction come true concerning the Church of Ash and Karen?...

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